Something to look forward to?

Posted on December 15, 2006
Filed Under Daily News |

You may have read about Tim Johnson, the US Senator who is in hospital following brain surgery. At first, most of the articles were like this one from the The New York Times focusing on what this might mean for the Democrats’ new majority in the US Senate.

But, it has now emerged, his stroke was caused by an arteriovenous malformation or AVM, the same condition I have.

And, as this article, also from the New York Times, makes clear, treating the Senator is no simple matter. I suppose, I should be thankful that my AVM has already been diagnosed, which should make treatment easier, if it ruptures.

The trouble is, once you are told you have something like this, its hard to put it to the back of your mind and to get on with your life, without thinking about it.

However, that is exactly what you have to do, if you are have any kind of quality of life, because the more you think about it, the more it wears you down and the more you start letting it run your life.

It’s bad enough, that every time I get on a plane, I have to avoid walking through the metal detector, because of the shunt that was performed a few years ago. And, every time I get a headache, I wonder, is this THE ONE – my doctors tell me the first sign of a rupture is a bad headache.

However, I used to get headaches ALL the time, and some of them were really bad. So, my pain threshold is now much higher than most people’s when it comes to headaches. What if I miss the first sign of a rupture and delay getting treatment, which could make things worse?

But, of course, I can’t go running to the hospital, demanding an MRI, every time I have a headache. So, instead, I’ve learnt to put life first.

After all, as Christians, we are meant to be people of hope. This means, not living in fear. I think this is what Jesus meant, when he said: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

Because of my faith, and because of my relationship with God, I am able to focus on the big picture and to trust that He has a plan for my life, a plan that was put into place before time itself. So, I can get on with my life knowing that as long continue to follow his ways, I do not need to be afraid, because my future is assured.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not one of those Christians that go around sprouting off about how wonderful death is, because it means they get to ‘be with Jesus’. By all accounts, a ruptured AVM is a slow and painful way to die. And that is assuming I die, and am not left paralyzed by the resultant stroke. No, I would not wish that upon anybody.

But, I also refuse to spend the rest of my life preparing for the worst. Instead, I choose hope. I choose life. And, I believe I still have much to look forward to.

I’m going to be 34 in a couple of months; it’s been almost five years since I got the diagnosis. And, I have never felt more alive, or younger than I do right now.